i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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