I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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