I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
