its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
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