If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
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