Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
