I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
