I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
