I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
