Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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