What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
