FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
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