They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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