Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Randomize
