He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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