Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
farters have to be the big spoon...
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
