i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
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