if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I need a beard to bite.
Randomize
