I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
