maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
These tits shall not be calmed
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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