He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
