i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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