I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Randomize
