I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
