Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
