Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
