You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
