Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
