Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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