come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
