Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
