Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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