Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
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