we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
