the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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