please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
