what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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