so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
