just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
