Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
