He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
