i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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