Only a mothe r could love this liver
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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