My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize