I am spending my child support on dildos
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
