Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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