The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
