They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
