While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize