I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
