I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
