Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
