"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
