Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Randomize
