Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
