I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
