just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
This baby is an asshole
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
