I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
My balls are so social today.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
