Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
