this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
the night ended with taco bell and tears
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Randomize
