Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
