I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
