I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
