OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
you had me at cake vodka
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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