don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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