winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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