I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
