So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
