Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize