STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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