i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
