Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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