WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
