i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I need moral support for this bender
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Randomize
