I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
